I am in a grade A funk. It started when dad left for home and half an hour later I found $100 hidden under the remote. I always argue with him when he tries to give me money, so he hid it...my lovely dad. I immediately started missing him, which turned into homesickness, which turned into feeling lonely ,which has turned into the terrible, vague and totally shit feeling I have now. Its taken a little over a week to get here and I'd like to go back now.
From where I stand right now, everything looks crap. My flat, my clothes, money, my damn job...especially my damn job. I basically hate the world and can't think of a thing to bring myself out of it. Alcohol certainly isn't helping,I tried cutting pictures out of magazines to make an inspiring poster ( I know...I'm disgusted with myself), I'm even watching Bridget Jones...but the dvd's fucking up for some reason and I'm tempted to throw it off the fucking balcony. Now I'm wondering if a nice hot bath will do the trick...
What I really want is a break from myself. I want to get out of my head for a bit, which is always spinning and twisting at the best of times, but is now effecting my heart. Or is it my heart effecting my head? Hmmm, there's a thought...yet another that will lead me nowhere tonight. Perhaps I'll play a computer game, perhaps I'll organise my make up drawer...what ever I end up doing tonight, I will try not to do it while thinking about being lonely, stupid and lost. Maybe things will be better in the morning.
I hope where ever you are tonight, you are resting easy, laughing freely and not suffering from the mean reds.
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